Just One More Distraction...

This blog is supposed to be about finding one's self among the plethora of options available to our generation.  Of all the things that I am passionate about, which one am I meant to be doing?  Not necessarily which one will pay me to survive...but that does always help.

Somehow, though, my blog has become about love and romance.  I feel bad.  Romantic woes have become a distraction from my search for a living, like so many other things in my life.  I feel pressure to find my purpose.  To find my way. To work towards improving my financial situation through something that I am passionate about. ... until it hit me this morning.

Last fall, my last "begining," I fell into a relationship.  It allowed me to realize my path - the next chapter of my life - and I felt empowered to make drastic changes for my happiness, and my health.  Did he "complete" me?  No.  He inspired me.  He empowered me.  Knowing there was some one there who supported me however much I was about to screw up my life allowed me to let go of my fears, forget the "what if"s and start pouring my work ethic into something that I actually loved.

And then he broke my heart. ... Or I let my heart get broken, however you want to see it.

This week, I had lunch with an older, wiser friend.  I brought up the topic of relationships and my anger with this concept that women are brainwashed into needing to be "rescued" by love.  She shown a great light on this concept for me.  It's not that women aren't strong enough to save themselves, but they're so busy solving the day-to-day problems, taking care of life's smaller details and rescuing the children (or people in this state) that they can't rescue themselves.  This is why women desire somebody not to "rescue" them, but to protect them from the larger threats out there, such as bankruptcy, homelessness, or loneliness.  This is why we really don't want to go through life alone.

So, here I am.... following what I love without that one protective person beneath me, encouraging and supporting me to follow my dreams.  Instead, I have many people offering their words of encouragement, belief in the fact that I can do it, and room to let me make my mistakes, fumble around for a few months, few years, or however long this is going to take... By then, I'll probably be so toughened by the world, that I won't need the protection...but it might be nice to cuddle...

handsel

1:a gift made as a token of good wishes or luck 2:a first installment: earnest money

At the beginning of the year, some employees will receive handsome monetary handsels.

Did You Know?

According to an old custom in the British Isles, the first Monday of the new year is Handsel Monday, a day to give a small gift or good-luck charm to children or to those who have served you well. As long ago as the year 1200, English-speakers were using the ancestor of "handsel" for any good-luck charm, especially one given at the start of some new situation or condition. By the 1500s, traders were using "handsel" for the first cash they earned in the morning - to them, an omen of good things to follow. Nowadays, it can also be applied to the first use or experience of something, especially when such a use gives a taste of things to come.

Page-A-Day Calendar
www.pageaday.com
Workman Publishing

Purpose from Avenue Q

A fellow quarter-life-crisis sufferer reccomended this song to me this morning. I kind of LOVE IT! This song exemplifies the beginning of any "life" crisis, whether its quarter or mid. Luckily, mine began at 23, so I've figured out my purpose.

This fall, I went into a room of strangers and told them that I was put on this earth in order to change it. That doesn't mean I'll be the next Oprah, or Ellen, or even the next Ghandi; they are merely role models for me. I know that I have already changed the world, and for more than one person, I'm sure. And the opportunity for me to continue to do that happens every day, in every social transaction. It might just be a little change, or it could be the change I'm hoping to see in this world, but I know that each and every one of them matter.

Yeah, I've figured it out. I know I'm going to have more of an affect on the world through my writing than my day-to-day actions. And that's the tough part to figure out. How do I have enough time for the writing while still surviving financially? Right now, I'm living on faith that the money will come in. Sometimes, that's all you can do. And, I know I'm not alone. There are so many people out there right now, struggling much more than I am. Inside, though, I have this little fire of faith that burns pretty bright and pretty strong and it's keeping me going more than any full-time, salaried job EVER could...