I'm currently packing up all my things (once again) and moving across town. The most beneficial part of packing, I find is going through all of the "stuff" I have accumulated over the years and rationalizing whether or not I really need to keep it. As a historian - or so I've made this point before - I have difficulty parting with the media of my past. Yes, you may call me a hoarder for that! But, I don't think there's much wrong with being nostalgic for certain things from our past. A prime example of this is my writing assignments from elementary and junior high. As I sorted through a three-ring binder filled with schoolwork circa 1990-2001, I realized that I truly had talent as a young writer. Where it went, I am currently on the search for...
I have a shady memory. Discussing a recent weekend, a friend asked if I had truly been drunk enough to blackout. "No, I never blackout," I told her. "But I have a bad memory as it is...and sometimes I chose not to remember a lot of what has happened, whether or sober or not." I feel this applies to my childhood quite profoundly. Thus the necessity for continuing to keep so much more of the artwork from that time of my life. The rest of the memories - the people, the places, the situations, embarassing moments - can be forgotten, reminisced over with the friends those people have become in my life, again, revisitted, and re-friended based on who they are now rather than who they were back then.
I do have a fairly functional memory for songs, though, and this is one that always makes me tap my foot. In grade nine, I wrote a report drugs and Hollywood. Like many blossoming teenagers in small towns with nothing else to do, I was obsessed with learning as much as I could about show biz. As I became more involved with doing too many other things with my life, this obsession faded. This song marks the hallmark of my obsession with Hollywood. It was re-worded from Lou Bega's hit at the time: Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of...). Whenever I hear the song today, I am taken back to the Health classroom (our junior high theatre), half of the girls in my grade nine year (as we had to be separated for Health/Gym class at that age) and the accolades I received for standing in front of them all, just singing as best as I terribly could. I was like Weird Al Yankovic, but way way cooler ;-) ... and he was pretty cool back then!
Several months ago - perhaps even years - I tried to find the version of the song that I had written. It was only tonight, looking through an old old box that I finally found it! So, I thought I would share it...
I really hope you remember how this song goes. If not, open this link in a separate window and read the lyrics to the rhythm...
Mambo No. 5 (A Little Bit of...)
One, two, three, four, five
Every one in show biz, says "Let's get high!"
Get the time, on probation, it's all right
Tool man says he got some if you want it
But really don't wanna
Big bust like he did in seventy eight
He must stay clean 'cause cops are keen
Just like Dreyfuss, Downey, Demi and Rio
And as I continue, you know they're getting stronger
So what do they do, I really beg you, my Lord
To them smokin' is part of a role
Any deal does, it's all good, let them dunk it
If they want it with a crumpet...
A little bit of cocaine in their life
A litte bit of heroine by their side
A litte bit of alcohol is all they need
A litte bit of drugs is what I see
A litte bit of smokin' in the sun
A litte bit of parties all night long
A litte bit of death, here I am
A litte bit of drugs makes you their man
Rain Pryor was a druggie and now helps teens
Demi in the eighties wasn't keen
Recently the same is Charlie Sheen
Ben Afleck's dad and Rachel Leigh Cook
Get the message across without being shook
Clap your hands once and clap your hands twice
'Cause it looks like some peeps are doin' it right
A little bit of River lost his life
A little bit of Belushi on the other side
A litte bit of Bowie got all he'd need
A litte bit of Feldman in the nineties
A litte bit of Freddie's dad is gone
A litte bit of Presley and his songs
A litte bit of Barrymore and her dad
A litte bit of help keeps it a fad.
Some do all to keep away from drugs - P.U.!
They can't run and they can't hide
Most celebs just wanna touch the sky!
A little bit of Elvis in my life
A little bit of Corey by my side
A litte bit of Phoenix is all I need
A litte bit of Charlie is what I see
A litte bit of Rob Lowe in the sun
A litte bit of Farley all night long
A litte bit of David Bowie, here I am
A litte bit of drugs give lessons to them all.
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Monday, 9 May 2011
Tuesday, 3 May 2011
Juggling
"Five jobs?"
"Yep."
"Five?!?"
"Yeah, still hasn't changed."
"How do you do it?"
"Oh, well, you know, I like to keep several balls in the air, switching from one thing to the next as often as I can. It helps inspire me ..."
BULL$#%&!
This is my life right now. A few months ago, I actually took the time to count how many different forms of employment I was keeping and realized that it was legitimately five. Three of them are working independently for myself, which I call the "soul jobs"; one of them is no longer in the picture; and the fifth is a laid back serving gig that brings me into contact with a lot of interesting individuals who are helping me grow and become a stronger artist. Sadly, that growth becomes addictive, the lure of the actual paycheques keeps me focused on only the money-making jobs, and my real ticket out of this life of juggling gets lost beneath a desk overflowing with papers from the "In" basket.
I came home tonight with the thought of starting to pack - a moving-into-a-cheaper-place chore my lack of a genuine income produces - but ended up baking for a fundraiser tomorrow: just another "growth" task I've decided to take on! As I finished washing the dishes from that task, I realized what I'm doing to myself...I'm procrastinating my way into failing as a writer!?!
So, instead of turning on some music to numb my soul while I begin the arduous, yet enjoyable task of sorting through my things and preparing to start a new life again, I opened up the laptop, typed away at the keys and put in a half hour's work at job five of five. One day, I know, that will be job number one...but until then, I just gotta keep writing. Even if it means putting down the other four balls for a moment to catch my breathe.
"Yep."
"Five?!?"
"Yeah, still hasn't changed."
"How do you do it?"
"Oh, well, you know, I like to keep several balls in the air, switching from one thing to the next as often as I can. It helps inspire me ..."
BULL$#%&!
This is my life right now. A few months ago, I actually took the time to count how many different forms of employment I was keeping and realized that it was legitimately five. Three of them are working independently for myself, which I call the "soul jobs"; one of them is no longer in the picture; and the fifth is a laid back serving gig that brings me into contact with a lot of interesting individuals who are helping me grow and become a stronger artist. Sadly, that growth becomes addictive, the lure of the actual paycheques keeps me focused on only the money-making jobs, and my real ticket out of this life of juggling gets lost beneath a desk overflowing with papers from the "In" basket.
I came home tonight with the thought of starting to pack - a moving-into-a-cheaper-place chore my lack of a genuine income produces - but ended up baking for a fundraiser tomorrow: just another "growth" task I've decided to take on! As I finished washing the dishes from that task, I realized what I'm doing to myself...I'm procrastinating my way into failing as a writer!?!
So, instead of turning on some music to numb my soul while I begin the arduous, yet enjoyable task of sorting through my things and preparing to start a new life again, I opened up the laptop, typed away at the keys and put in a half hour's work at job five of five. One day, I know, that will be job number one...but until then, I just gotta keep writing. Even if it means putting down the other four balls for a moment to catch my breathe.
Saturday, 29 January 2011
Be Careful...Or You May Become Infamous...
On Twitter this week, I came across the best quote for dealing with difficult people, especially as a writer:
"I'm a novelist. Anything you say can be taken down & used against you in a work of fiction."
~ Ann R. Allen
I love it! I'm going to add it to the list of my fav quotes of all time, I think ;-D And then, maybe, I'll just start using it in real life, too!
What's even better is that, as a blogger, all I have to do is crack opne my laptop, tap away at a few keys and whoever gave me a bad day is forever immortalized - online, too!
Today's victim: the mother who sat beside me in the cafe. Now, to give her credit, there was no way she should have known that I am actually also an employee there. Perhaps, though, somebody somewhere along the line should tell her that she is having difficulty with the service indutry because she comes across as a fairly nasty woman. She had to say two sentences by the time I realized she was an HM Mommy, sans the lululemons and running carriage. Perhaps she's the HM Mommy, AB-style!
So, I understand the frustration of going into a cafe and being unable to find a spot to sit. I also understand the dilemna of having to care for another living being and feeling like because you will do this until probably the day you die, you expect other people to care a little bit more for you. Somehow, though, we don't care. We're not your mother. We're not your friend. BUT, WE ARE PEOPLE, too. And maybe if you talked to people in the service industry like their IQs were above 80 rather than the way you talked to them today, you might get better service...
After listening to her loudly proclaim her distaste for the cafe, filled as it was with students, writers, artists and the people who regularly spend $100/week there, she went on to rip apart a restaurant in south Edmonton. From the comments her husband said, I think she more or less has a problem with things south of the river rather than just this location, so I should probably just feel sorry for her. In reality, I feel sorry for her friends who have to listen to her endlessly complain about the smallest things.
Overhearing conversations like that are fabulous methods of birth control for me, 'cause I never want the sole excuse for our getting together to be to vent about a restaurant. Specifically, I don't want to have to tell you that I waited an ENTIRE forty minutes on a FRIDAY at ONE, close to the university. I NEVER want to be that person! Well, and then the conversation turned to their children and their progress, which is probably exciting when you have the babies to compare to one another. I'm excited about meeting up with my close friends and family to hear about things like that, but I don't want to waste our time complaining.
Seriously, restaurants are busier on Fridays more than they are on other days of the week. And, closer to the university, as an intelligent consumer, you should understand that schedules are a little bit more slack and so the lunch rush is more from 1130 to 230 than 12-1 inclusive. And have a little patience with your fellow human beings. Even if it wasn't visibly busy when you walked in, perhaps they were filling orders for call-ins...or, they were recovering from a rush earlier. And, yes, forty minutes is a long time to wait for an order, but maybe you should cook for yourself. Or, wait, was this a treat to yourself? Then why were you going into it with all this nasty attitude? Now, that's probably why you have so much to complain about in life! Change your attitude, change your life...
So, now I've done my venting, and not just to one friend, but potentially to the whole world. The woman will probably never see it, and even assume it's not about her...but at least I got one of these things off my chest. And I feel better about it. You know that waiter who had that book published last year or the year before - wasn't that just a blog about the rude people he served? I haven't read that book, yet, but I wonder if he ever spit in somebody's soup...not that I would ever do that, but I might think twice about it the next time I see that woman in the cafe...no, wait, I'm a writer, I have the potential to do much worse than just give her a taste of my pleasant saliva...
"I'm a novelist. Anything you say can be taken down & used against you in a work of fiction."
~ Ann R. Allen
I love it! I'm going to add it to the list of my fav quotes of all time, I think ;-D And then, maybe, I'll just start using it in real life, too!
What's even better is that, as a blogger, all I have to do is crack opne my laptop, tap away at a few keys and whoever gave me a bad day is forever immortalized - online, too!
Today's victim: the mother who sat beside me in the cafe. Now, to give her credit, there was no way she should have known that I am actually also an employee there. Perhaps, though, somebody somewhere along the line should tell her that she is having difficulty with the service indutry because she comes across as a fairly nasty woman. She had to say two sentences by the time I realized she was an HM Mommy, sans the lululemons and running carriage. Perhaps she's the HM Mommy, AB-style!
So, I understand the frustration of going into a cafe and being unable to find a spot to sit. I also understand the dilemna of having to care for another living being and feeling like because you will do this until probably the day you die, you expect other people to care a little bit more for you. Somehow, though, we don't care. We're not your mother. We're not your friend. BUT, WE ARE PEOPLE, too. And maybe if you talked to people in the service industry like their IQs were above 80 rather than the way you talked to them today, you might get better service...
After listening to her loudly proclaim her distaste for the cafe, filled as it was with students, writers, artists and the people who regularly spend $100/week there, she went on to rip apart a restaurant in south Edmonton. From the comments her husband said, I think she more or less has a problem with things south of the river rather than just this location, so I should probably just feel sorry for her. In reality, I feel sorry for her friends who have to listen to her endlessly complain about the smallest things.
Overhearing conversations like that are fabulous methods of birth control for me, 'cause I never want the sole excuse for our getting together to be to vent about a restaurant. Specifically, I don't want to have to tell you that I waited an ENTIRE forty minutes on a FRIDAY at ONE, close to the university. I NEVER want to be that person! Well, and then the conversation turned to their children and their progress, which is probably exciting when you have the babies to compare to one another. I'm excited about meeting up with my close friends and family to hear about things like that, but I don't want to waste our time complaining.
Seriously, restaurants are busier on Fridays more than they are on other days of the week. And, closer to the university, as an intelligent consumer, you should understand that schedules are a little bit more slack and so the lunch rush is more from 1130 to 230 than 12-1 inclusive. And have a little patience with your fellow human beings. Even if it wasn't visibly busy when you walked in, perhaps they were filling orders for call-ins...or, they were recovering from a rush earlier. And, yes, forty minutes is a long time to wait for an order, but maybe you should cook for yourself. Or, wait, was this a treat to yourself? Then why were you going into it with all this nasty attitude? Now, that's probably why you have so much to complain about in life! Change your attitude, change your life...
So, now I've done my venting, and not just to one friend, but potentially to the whole world. The woman will probably never see it, and even assume it's not about her...but at least I got one of these things off my chest. And I feel better about it. You know that waiter who had that book published last year or the year before - wasn't that just a blog about the rude people he served? I haven't read that book, yet, but I wonder if he ever spit in somebody's soup...not that I would ever do that, but I might think twice about it the next time I see that woman in the cafe...no, wait, I'm a writer, I have the potential to do much worse than just give her a taste of my pleasant saliva...
Monday, 17 January 2011
Appropriate Quote for a Fresh Start at Writing
“Writers are the purifiers of the culture. We may not be pure ourselves, but we must tell the truth, which is a purifying act.”
—RITA MAE BROWN
It's fitting that this should be my Page-A-Day calendar quote for today as it is also my first day in Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way 12-week course. I may have only had time to write half of the morning pages today, but that's ok. At least I've started...and I'll probably write the other half on this blog in some way...
Also from the calendar:
When we speak our truth in our writing, even if it’s only for our own eyes, we are cleaned and healed.
—RITA MAE BROWN
It's fitting that this should be my Page-A-Day calendar quote for today as it is also my first day in Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way 12-week course. I may have only had time to write half of the morning pages today, but that's ok. At least I've started...and I'll probably write the other half on this blog in some way...
Also from the calendar:
When we speak our truth in our writing, even if it’s only for our own eyes, we are cleaned and healed.
Sunday, 16 January 2011
Conversation with a Fellow Artist
I walked into my friend's studio - her living room floor - last night to discover two of her paintings in different stages.
"I'm so jealous of artists who can create something physical," I told her.
"What do you mean?" She said, "you're a writer."
She was right. I do create physical things. I just never think of them like that. It was a good kick in the pants, though, as I spent today in fictionland... It's a great place to visit. A place I have to come to more often...
"I'm so jealous of artists who can create something physical," I told her.
"What do you mean?" She said, "you're a writer."
She was right. I do create physical things. I just never think of them like that. It was a good kick in the pants, though, as I spent today in fictionland... It's a great place to visit. A place I have to come to more often...
Thursday, 16 December 2010
Purpose from Avenue Q
A fellow quarter-life-crisis sufferer reccomended this song to me this morning. I kind of LOVE IT! This song exemplifies the beginning of any "life" crisis, whether its quarter or mid. Luckily, mine began at 23, so I've figured out my purpose.
This fall, I went into a room of strangers and told them that I was put on this earth in order to change it. That doesn't mean I'll be the next Oprah, or Ellen, or even the next Ghandi; they are merely role models for me. I know that I have already changed the world, and for more than one person, I'm sure. And the opportunity for me to continue to do that happens every day, in every social transaction. It might just be a little change, or it could be the change I'm hoping to see in this world, but I know that each and every one of them matter.
Yeah, I've figured it out. I know I'm going to have more of an affect on the world through my writing than my day-to-day actions. And that's the tough part to figure out. How do I have enough time for the writing while still surviving financially? Right now, I'm living on faith that the money will come in. Sometimes, that's all you can do. And, I know I'm not alone. There are so many people out there right now, struggling much more than I am. Inside, though, I have this little fire of faith that burns pretty bright and pretty strong and it's keeping me going more than any full-time, salaried job EVER could...
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Moving On, Saving Lives, and Crying About My Wasted Youth...
Death Cab For Cutie ~ Your New Twin Sized Bed
I had the most unbelievably brilliant day today! ...
Well, it started out kinda slow and unproductive and I felt bad about not making it to the post office this morning, but there's always tomorrow. Then I made it to my appointment early, struggled to follow the instructions (bite lip and look sheepish here), but was set up to the centrifuge before I knew it. This was my first time donating plasma, and the nurse was extremely helpful, supportive and made me feel great about saving so many lives with a mere ninety minutes out of my day.
As I watched the blood flow up through the tubes and the yellow liquid flow from the centrifuge to the collection bag, I answered the nurse's questions about what I do. "I'm a writer," I said. That was the first time I could honestly say that that was how I'm making a living! She was so excited about it, and I hated to tell her that I was just starting out. I did mention that the money wasn't everything everybody hoped for...
Then I met a friend for lunch (which is becoming a common occurrence as the holidays get closer and closer). We caught up and chatted long after our food was devoured. It ended with a great conversation about vegetarianism, eating animals, making nice with family, and a short reading from Jonathon Safran Foer's book that I currently tote around with me... It felt so good to have an honest, intellectual conversation about the social dilemnas of eating (or not eating) something that you morally disagree with.
And then I made some money. It was fun! I got to hang out with some pretty awesome people and even, hopefully, made somebody else feel better about his own quarter-life crisis. On my break, I read a bit about a personal issue I'm struggling with right now, but maintained my fantastic mood all the way home. I even stopped at my favourite house to enjoy the spectacle it has become with the decorated evergreen outside. Nothing, I felt could get me down...
As I turned the corner to the street my building is on, I began to think about music as a drug. Its ability to uplift us is so powerful...as is its ability to bring us down as well.
This song came on my iPod the other night, when I was going out and stoked for what was about to happen... Then, suddenly, my pace changed...my smile disappeared as I listened to this soft tune about broken hearts.
Life is pretty amazing. We have ultimate control over how to react to a situation, and basically how to feel. Sometimes, though, it's ok to let your emotions seep into this world you want so badly to control, and just run with it. It's ok to cry about your past even when you're so excited about your future... And Death Cab is probably the best band to cry to when you need to.
Still...I had an AMAZING day...and can't wait to do it all over again - everything! ;-)
Monday, 13 December 2010
2010 - Watershed Year
Mantras, meditation, visualization, confidence, mind over matter, the power of your subconscious mind...
2010 is a watershed year for me. This is the year that I learned how to create my own success. It began with my mom suggesting I read a book of hers. She told me that it hadn't been completely successful for her, but she would return to it frequently and found that when she did, things began to improve once again. Having nothing to lose and everything to gain, I picked it up...and it began to transform my life.
Everything in it finally made sense. My spirit was ready to accept what the book had to offer as truth. I was ready to begin to change my life. I just had to put in the hard work in order to get there.
It began with weight loss. For over half of my life, I have tried to lose weight. I have never focussed on it before, but always wished I could do it. Of course, there were always more excuses than reasons to do it, which is always the path to failure. This spring, though, I was ready for it. And my journey downwards (weight-wise) began. My confidence began to grow as a result, and I have a pretty solid appreciation for the body I have now, as much as it may change for the rest of my life.
The next step was living on my own. It happened almost accidentally, but it's been a plan for the last three years. I will never regret the nearly two years before getting my first "apartment of my own," when I was living with my sisters. It was an opportunity that all three of us embraced as such. How many people get to call their siblings "roommates" after the age of 18? Or, even after each have lived on their own. I always thought of it as the perfect moment in all three of our lives to do so, and with one of my sisters getting married next year, I am that much more grateful for the hours, days, weeks, months and year and a half that we spent together. And that's even after all the fighting, meddling, jealousy, misunderstandings and weeks of not talking to one another. If given an option to repeat life, I would do it all over again. This year, I learned to love my family - not because I had to, but because they're pretty awesome people.
It seems like in an instant I became a professional, but I know there was much more time invested in that change this year. And, career-wise, I feel like I'm starting at the bottom - again - right now. I've learned to listen to the universe as far as that goes, though. The universe has led me to make some pretty shocking choices this year - moving up in a company I wanted out of, moving across town to fulfill that position, lying to myself about wanting to stay with the company to the extent that I forgot exactly the reason why I was put on this planet, waking up to that realization and quitting - almost abruptly - but at just the right time, going back to a company that I had been so angry with when I left, and making money on my own (which is the best thing I have ever done!) - and for that, I am eternally grateful to the universe.
I don't know what I'll be doing next year. Heck, I don't even know for sure what I'll be doing next week. And part of that REALLY terrifies me, but the other part makes me so excited. The best things in my life have been completely unplanned. The most fulfilling things in my life, have taken focus, determination, and hard work - and I'm finally ready to do that. So, finances will come, health will come, but my happiness will always be around...
Now, here I sit, typing away at a computer that I bought over three years ago to do something that I knew I would do for a living since I was eleven - write - but that I have never made enough time for until now. Sometimes what comes out is terrible; other times it is brilliant. The important thing is that I AM WRITING! And, above everything else positive that has happened this year, that is what I am most proud of!
2010 is a watershed year for me. This is the year that I learned how to create my own success. It began with my mom suggesting I read a book of hers. She told me that it hadn't been completely successful for her, but she would return to it frequently and found that when she did, things began to improve once again. Having nothing to lose and everything to gain, I picked it up...and it began to transform my life.
Everything in it finally made sense. My spirit was ready to accept what the book had to offer as truth. I was ready to begin to change my life. I just had to put in the hard work in order to get there.
It began with weight loss. For over half of my life, I have tried to lose weight. I have never focussed on it before, but always wished I could do it. Of course, there were always more excuses than reasons to do it, which is always the path to failure. This spring, though, I was ready for it. And my journey downwards (weight-wise) began. My confidence began to grow as a result, and I have a pretty solid appreciation for the body I have now, as much as it may change for the rest of my life.
The next step was living on my own. It happened almost accidentally, but it's been a plan for the last three years. I will never regret the nearly two years before getting my first "apartment of my own," when I was living with my sisters. It was an opportunity that all three of us embraced as such. How many people get to call their siblings "roommates" after the age of 18? Or, even after each have lived on their own. I always thought of it as the perfect moment in all three of our lives to do so, and with one of my sisters getting married next year, I am that much more grateful for the hours, days, weeks, months and year and a half that we spent together. And that's even after all the fighting, meddling, jealousy, misunderstandings and weeks of not talking to one another. If given an option to repeat life, I would do it all over again. This year, I learned to love my family - not because I had to, but because they're pretty awesome people.
It seems like in an instant I became a professional, but I know there was much more time invested in that change this year. And, career-wise, I feel like I'm starting at the bottom - again - right now. I've learned to listen to the universe as far as that goes, though. The universe has led me to make some pretty shocking choices this year - moving up in a company I wanted out of, moving across town to fulfill that position, lying to myself about wanting to stay with the company to the extent that I forgot exactly the reason why I was put on this planet, waking up to that realization and quitting - almost abruptly - but at just the right time, going back to a company that I had been so angry with when I left, and making money on my own (which is the best thing I have ever done!) - and for that, I am eternally grateful to the universe.
I don't know what I'll be doing next year. Heck, I don't even know for sure what I'll be doing next week. And part of that REALLY terrifies me, but the other part makes me so excited. The best things in my life have been completely unplanned. The most fulfilling things in my life, have taken focus, determination, and hard work - and I'm finally ready to do that. So, finances will come, health will come, but my happiness will always be around...
Now, here I sit, typing away at a computer that I bought over three years ago to do something that I knew I would do for a living since I was eleven - write - but that I have never made enough time for until now. Sometimes what comes out is terrible; other times it is brilliant. The important thing is that I AM WRITING! And, above everything else positive that has happened this year, that is what I am most proud of!
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